Should I just give up on dating women?
It's not an overnight process, but something you can always work on. I was willing to change and adventure quite a bit back in the days for women I thought were interested in me, was willing to go out on hikes, go to the beach, visit exotic restaurants, try new things, as long as we were doing it together. To me, the answer lies in the middle. Actually a very gentle guy. Most of the working-class dudes here ask me, a smallish academic, for help with stuff like carpentry instead of a guy.
That is going to result in a very drastic lifestyle change. It looks like the appropriate section is omitted from google books, but the tl;dr version of it is that successful men with romantic prospects aren't the ones drawn in by the promise of 40 virgins in the afterlife. Not to mention the fact that your risk aversion will leave you running in terror from many of the women you'd meet there. But one thing in the book that rang true to me was that the more choices we perceive that we have, the less we ultimately value the choice that we do end up making due to regret, adaptation, etc. Just so it's clear, I'm saying that their social status wasn't relevant.
Next, have her interlace her fingers so that the palms are together and the fingers are clasping the back of the opposite hand. Like a child would do when they clasp their hands together and plea to have their way at something. Some people also put their hands together like this to pray. OK, not try to repeat what you did by pulling on her wrists. Unless you are very strong and she is extremely weak, you should not be able to pull her hands apart.
The ties are stronger. But first, you have to learn to be less of a snob, and learn to appreciate those who are different than you, and learn to see them as different, not inferior. The first step is going to be to admit that you are a snob.
See how it sounds to you after you do that. Which item on the list should she give up? Should she date criminals, drug addicts, men with poor hygiene or married men? I would never advise a man to date a woman with poor hygiene, addictions or a criminal past. Emerald My marriage ended because I have to take a job out west in order to support myself. Like I stated in an earlier comment, my life and that of my spouse by extension, was being threatened , my research findings cost folks in power in the area serious money.
Neither of us wanted it to happen and we remain friends to this day. As an accomplished man, it was easy for him to find someone, not so for me, his female counterpart. A lot of the reason I really do feel like giving up is I do know what a good rship is thus it is very difficult if not impossible to accept one that is not. To try and force oneself to be with someone whom you cannot have conversation with, be attracted to, who has serious personal issues is horribly unfair to both parties.
Her list goes far beyond what you list. But let me touch on one that is on the list and show how while it sounds reasonable, it is not. I have a friend who was married to a very selfish woman. They also had a daughter together which is the only real reason he stayed with her. To do this however, she had to have certain things happen. So she had to get a reason to get the court to authorize it.
So here in Florida you get a lot of false accusations being made. OK, so what she did was ask for a separation, and the filed for a restraining order.
If he fought it, it would be over. Then she starts meeting him on the sly. She calls him and lets him call her. There is a food court near where she works, so she would tell him to stop in where she works and let her know he was there and then wait in the food court. Long story short, she was building a case against him of violating the restraining order. It went to court and he got 6 months in jail. OK, now, thanks to the internet, this guy will likely never find a quality woman willing to date him, let alone marry him.
This guy is a great guy. Actually a very gentle guy. His ex, when I asked her admitted to me that he had never laid a hand on her, that she was not an abused woman.
You think any woman who does a back ground check will believe that he is a gentle guy? He is not financially stable…not in the way woman like Noquay want. He is going in a totally different direction. On my advice, he is back in school. Will he ever get a post graduate degree? I get the strong feeling that Noquay is a strong Liberal. Most men are not.
Most men are conservative, even most accomplished men. I know a man who is a Ph. D and votes straight GOP but hides that fact in his job. Then there are guys who simply work in very dirty jobs. Some might if their wives took them to get one.. I would not date a woman who is an alcoholic or drug addict. However, if I found out that 20 years ago, she had been, but she walked away from that life without regret, then I could overlook that.
See, what is a strong work ethic for one person may be workaholic for another. However, I met a guy once who started his own insurance business. He is very driven. While he worked in another office, he saved as much money as he could, and also bought all of the furniture he would need for an office and stored it in his apartment, stacked in their boxes.
He also bought all of the supplies he would need. Once he had enough money saved for two years worth of bills, gas and food, he opened his own office. This was a very good looking guy. He was a workaholic, which got him to where he wanted to be. But these women wanted more time with him. Time he could not give. She should not settle. I liken it to a man who married a woman with the looks of a playboy playmate of the year, cooked like Martha Stewart, is very kind, patient, loving, affectionate, etc… If he loses her, he should hold out for another just like her.
I would actually feel sorry for the woman he married who is not up to the standards of the previous one. I do not wish ill will on anyone, and I wish everyone could find their perfect match.
If I could wave a magic wand and make that happen for everybody, tomorrow when we wake up, every woman would look like a playboy playmate and ever man would be a Ph. D making 6 figures. It is extremely likely that she will end up alone for the rest of her life. That is not necessarily a bad thing. Again, I agree that we should not settle for things that would make us unhappy. What he and most coaches seem to do is two things…help you identify where you are doing things that cause others to see you as a not so good catch, and then also teach you to expand your available choices by identify areas where you are being too picky about things that should not matter so much.
For instance, the guy in my example above might learn to appreciate women who are not playboy playmate good looking. He wants it again. So it is what it is. Noquay has an idea of what would make a good fit for her. The problem for her is that these guys are extremely rare.
So already he has his pick of women like her. These men are often more than willing to marry a woman who only has a high school education. They feel that those men should be sticking to women like her…women who have earned their place with him.
But men have always seen it differently, and always will. So the obvious is that Noquay has stacked the odds against herself. I do applaud that she is here seeking to improve her odds. If a man has a dirty job, he should go home and clean up before a date.
Clean up before going out. SE you miss the point. I said, that list was not her entire list. The fact is that she had it all. She had the guy with the Ph. You also seem to be twisting things. I never said everything on that list is unreasonable.
I understand that women are much much more materialistic so this is more important to them. However, I am in school. I do not make a lot of money right now. I have more than enough to meet my needs. I am not homeless. My thoughts on the criminal record thing is valid. That one anecdote is one of many, and I am sure my experience with people is not unique. My uncle was the get-away drive in a failed bank robbery.
He crashed in the attempted getaway and spent time in a hospital, and then some prison time. That was a long time ago. But the point is that after that, he woke up. Stopped thinking like an idiot kid and had a totally different outlook. He built a very very nice home with his own hands out in the country where he lives with his wife of 40 years, and where he raised four kids, and where he now spends time with his grand kids.
In short, he is a good man. A good man my aunt would have missed out on had she put any emphasis at all on what he did before he met her. Now, I can agree that not all criminal records should be overlooked. It is information to take on board an assess, but just having a record should not be a deal breaker. I would want to examine what was on the record, and compare that to what I saw in her.
In short, I would be trying to figure out if her experience changed her for the better, or did she learn nothing. Also, how long is the record? Is it a long record or just a couple of incidents from her past, or one recent incident? And what is social justice? Imagine that…you try to help people and they steal from you. But they screw it up.
Just 2 to 3 days a week. Not enough to support him, his wife and daughter. Just 2 to 3 days a week would have given him enough along with his fast food job. Wanted us to keep helping him make the rent payment on the place we helped him get into. Another guy walked in and did have good job skills. He was a tree surgeon. Big business here in Florida. We got him a job. He showed up two hours late and drunk. Another guy we got a job working driving a cab. He liked it at first but then when he found out how this was going to affect his rent, he stopped.
See, he was living in a place that rents rooms to single men and is based on income. Yes, twenty five dollars a month. But with the money he would start making driving a cab, that was going to go up significantly. In short to make money you have to work, and work somewhat long hours on days where the business is good. Then you have to be smart with your money and put most of it away. But if you work at it, you make money over the whole month. This whole idea of social justice is way off.
Plus, they seemed to think they had all the answers and would refuse to listen to reasonable statements that did not align with what they believed.
I think after reading some of the responses in this thread, that there are many good ideas being put forth. Way up, you know why? I met one for tea who looked at every woman who walked by our booth, no thank you! I am older, for an older man to connect, he needs to be motivated. To be motivated, there has to be a connection. Rusty and despattor Yep, to a point I am a snob, I admit it fully. Yep, I am someone who worked her own way out of poverty, escaping a very abusive, alcoholic family, worked my way thru school, raised a brother at the same time.
All people need to understand themselves, what works for them and what does not, what may be potentially harmful. Look again at my list: My point was that due to past history, demographics, cultural values, not all places are amenable to finding someone.
I also think trying to be something one is not, trying to espouse values not your own, willingly taking up with someone solely to avoid being alone at all costs, is a recipe for disaster.
Another BTW; a friend here was shot by her stalker a few years back, avoiding some of these guys may save ones life. Since a couple of disasters dating locals , I do not look for men here, my market is retired academics and similar folk that come here for races or to train. I fully understand that. The real problem is that this town has such a bad reputation in this state that folks assume we all are uneducated drug users and we are all tarred with the same brush.
Tell me how to figure that one out, eh? I get hit on by many guys when I was on line and IRL. It actually has been me choosing not to engage with guys that do not share my values and seem to be in search of a meal ticket, or approach me and I find they are already attached. I understand that as an overedumacated, brown, highly active older chick I am an odd duck in the eyes of many. However, neither of you would take kindly to being told to be alone or settle for someone totally wrong for you.
Most, if not all, of her requirements sound pretty crucial to me. A big liability of mine is number 7: I need to date more to figure things out. Whereas I would only be satisfied if the guy was very intelligent, had extremely good character, was financially okay, and had very good manners. I myself am intelligent, have very good character I think! And work on being confident. Now, I don't mean cliche'd confidence that girls tout all the time, I mean straight up be willing to take some risks.
I find girls go for the "jerks," as you say, not because they're attracted to those flaws, but because they make better first impressions, as far as being "interesting" or "fun. Or a rival male? Main key is to not get too down on yourself. Don't take every no-go as a crushing defeat, and don't jump on the first girl that pays you attention. There's some empowerment in waiting it out until you find one you might have a real, healthy connection with.
Desperation is a self-defeating type of thing. And really, there's no shame in getting help--dating sites, or couple's functions, etc. Anyone you meet is probably in the same situation you are. Hope this helps, and good luck man. Giving Up On Dating. Dating is just like any undertaking, and a necessity. If you quit, you will never taste glory even if you content yourself staring at the moon.
Next, how do you approach or break the ice with the women? Genuinely real genuine compliment a woman, one at a time, before asking her name, like saying "I like your beautiful shoes, where did you buy them? Your a nice guy. I'm sure the women you've dated have told you this, what they didn't tell you is nice means your too easy.
In other words your not a challenge. You give them everything up front. Think of love as a poker game. Hold your cards feelings, the rewards, the expensive dates you've undoubtedly taken them on, etc close to your chest. The first, Bob, was a recent separatee who told me he loved me, but didn't want to be exclusive. I'd been dumped by my ex and couldn't deal with the jealousy. The next one, Jamie, was in the same situation, recent separatee and didn't want to make a commitment yet. I was also a recent separatee, but unlike guys we girls aren't that good at screwing around.
At least we older girls aren't. Maybe the younger generation is different. It was just too soon and it didn't work out with either of them. I lost my dating oomph after these experiences. I was lucky to find Bob and Jamie, both of whom were delightful and would have been perfect for me.
They both went on to find permanent relationships very quickly. They can't stand being alone and will find a permanent relationship, either marriage or living together, very quickly. It's so much easier for them because of demographics--there are just so many available women. Bob married someone eleven years younger than him, Jamie is living with a woman five years younger.
I was a couple of years older than both of them. Unfortunately, men not sure about women will rarely stay with the first woman they meet after their divorce. That woman is the transitional woman--they often wind up settling down with number two.
Iamges: i just want to give up on dating
This is partially true.
I like to think that's just me, because I'm a fuckup or whatever. So why no success with women when nothing has stopped me from being successful with anything else in my life?
Press your menu button and find the option to jusst this page a star icon for some browsers. It looks like the appropriate section is omitted from google books, but the tl;dr version of it is that successful men with romantic prospects aren't the ones drawn in by the promise of 40 virgins in the afterlife. Don't subscribe All Replies to i just want to give up on dating comments Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. To be motivated, there has to be a connection. But do I blame men? A lot of men are frustrated at the seemingly impenetrable wall of finding the dating rogers silverware and intimacy they desire and have just decided that it's not worth the effort any more. Unless you are very weak and she is very strong, you should be able to do this easily.